The Five Keys
- Swirl intensely, Sniff intensely
- Don’t say that the wine is sweet
- Use the words Tannin, Acidity, and Finish
- Describe the wine using comparisons
- Pick out a unique wine
When at a friend’s place – Picking out a wine to bring
For most get-togethers, you’ll want to bring a quality inexpensive wine. Don’t go to Trader Joe’s and spend $5. Here are the price rules – nothing under $10 and nothing over $30. Go to a smaller local boutique wine shop if you can. Usually the smaller shops will have more refined and diverse selections, more knowledgeable workers and sometimes will even have entire rows or aisles dedicated to great wine under $15. Your other option is to go to a big massive wine megastore (like Binny’s here in Chicago), but if you don’t know what you’re doing this probably isn’t the best move. While wine megastores have many, many options, they probably have too many options for you. You are a fool, so you need to choose from a limited selection of great cheap wines – not a massive selection of crappy, sort-of crappy, good, and great wines.
As far as region goes, I love wine from California – some of the best in the world. But if you want to look like you know what you’re doing, don’t bring a wine from California. All your friends are going to bring a bottle from Napa or Sonoma and probably 90% of them are going to be Cabernet Sauvignon. Mix it up a bit, slick. Bring a wine made from the grapes Tempranillo or Grenache from Spain. Spanish wines from the region of Rioja or Ribera del Duero are good picks. Or go with a wine from the Douro region of Portugal. Want to stick to the US? Bring something from Washington or Oregon.
Don’t be shy
If there’s one thing that will make you look like an idiot when tasting wine, more than anything else, it is being extremely tentative when it comes to swirling and sniffing. Do not be afraid to swirl and sniff, and in that exact order – early and often should be your motto. People that know what they are doing are confident and comfortable enough to give the wine a hurricane swirl prior to the first sip, and continue to swirl prior to sniffing throughout the tasting experience. Did you just spill all over your shirt? Well, take that as another lesson – don’t wear white to a wine tasting, fool.
Why should you swirl anyway? It helps aerate the wine and release the aromas so you can get a good whiff. Don’t ask any more questions, just listen.
It’s a good idea to practice swirling a few times prior to the tasting, so you aren’t Wobbly-Arms-McGee when it comes to the real thing. If you have any sort of coordination at all, it should come fairly naturally. An easy way to swirl with very small chance of spillage is to keep the wine glass on the table. Then grab the glass toward the base of the stem and make quick circular movements to stir up the wine.
When it comes to sniffing the wine, again, don’t be shy. Literally, put your entire nose in the glass. The top of the glass should touch between your eyebrows and the bottom should rest on your upper lip. If your face is disfigured, then this may not apply to you.
What to say, and what not to say.
Do not say that the wine is sweet. 95% of the time, you will be wrong as the vast majority of popular wines are actually dry, and contain very little sugar – they just taste sweet because your brain associates fruity flavors with sweetness. Do not trust your foolish brain. Instead, it is perfectly acceptable to say that the wine is fruity.
Do not say “Oh, I don’t like Merlot” or “I don’t like Malbec” or make vast generalizations. If you are not an expert wine taster, you probably would have no freaking clue which wine was Merlot, which was Malbec and which was Cabernet Sauvignon in a three-wine-blind-taste-off. You just think you don’t like Merlot because you saw Sideways and your ex-boyfriend, who was an idiot, didn’t like Merlot. The same goes for any other grape variety. The winemaking process plays a major role in the taste of wine, so the grape is only a part of what defines a wines taste. Until you’ve tried a sizable sample of different wines in each style, try to reserve your generalizations. Knowledgeable wine drinkers often appreciate the differences in wine more than they critique them.
Use words like Tannin, Acidity, and Finish.Tannins make your mouth pucker, acidity makes your mouth water, and finish is the aftertaste. Since you don’t know exactly what you’re talking about, try to stay in the middle with your descriptions. Try saying, “I like the acidity in this wine” followed by a few up and down head bobs. They will probably follow with something like “Yes, it is pretty acidic, isn’t it.” Then you say, “Yes I’ve really enjoyed acidic wines lately”. Or they may reply “Yes, it’s not too acidic, just right by me” to which you reply “Agreed.” Or if you enjoyed the wine, say “This wine has a nice finish.” Others will probably agree with you.
No, genius – cherries, blueberries, chocolate, and barnyard were not used in the production of your wine. But that doesn’t mean you can’t use these words to describe the flavor. We often use comparisons to explain things in our daily lives. We may say that something “sounded like a boom”, “tasted like crap” or “felt like a sting”. This is exactly what we do when wine tasting. If what you are tasting or smelling reminds you of something else, say it. There are no wrong answers, including everything from dog food and detergent, to apples and cigars.
When at a Wine Tasting Event – Interacting with the pouring station staff
At a wine tasting event, the pouring station staff is usually only moderately interested in speaking with you. They aren’t going to quiz you on your wine knowledge, so don’t be nervous. They also usually aren’t going to want to teach you everything there is to know about a specific wine – and often times they won’t even have the answers, as they work for distributors with hundreds of wines.
There are some important questions to ask:
What region is this wine from?
What grapes are in this wine? Or, is this a single variety or a blend?
Which of these wines is your favorite?
It’s also a good idea to get a good look at the bottle. Usually the pourers will be perfectly fine with you grabbing a bottle and inspecting the front and back. If you like the wine, you’ll remember it for next time. Also, people that know what they are doing will be able to answer the above questions by reading the bottle. And the whole goal here is to act like you know what you are doing. Ask a few questions, take your pour, and then get the heck out of the way. Other people want to drink wine too.
