Yesterday I stumbled upon a Twitter contest by @JJBuckleyWines for a gift card to their wine shop. The best Chuck Norris wine-related phrase wins. I wasted the better part of the day following the tweets and attempting to defeat all others in this challenge of hilarity. Here is a collection of my favorite submissions:
Hilarious
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nickryanwine Norris don’t trellis. He drags two men in the vineyard by the hair. One is Scott, the other Henry. The vines have been told. #jjbuckleywines |
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stacywoods Chuck Norris once ate an entire bucket of Nebbiolo grapes and shat out a beautifully aged Barolo. #jjbuckleywines |
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chriscaughman Chuck Norris loves American oak…and so do you unless you want Chuck Norris to punch a hole through your chest. #jjbuckleywines |
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streamertyer Chuck Norris has a little winemaker in him. Not because he knows anything about wine, but because he ate Piero Antinori. #jjbuckleywines |
Funny
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bebycik Chuck Norris’s tears scored 200 points with Wine Enthusiast. Too bad he never cries. #jjbuckleywines |
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rickbreslin Some wines have flavors of earth. Chuck Norris’ wines have flavors of universe. #jjbuckleywines |
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TishWine James Laube rates Chuck Norris Cab 88 points blind. 100 points nonblind. #jjbuckleywines |
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GregKnottLeMond Trajer Joes test marketing “Two Buck Chuck Norris” – they are certain it will annihilate the competition. #jjbuckleywines |
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streamertyer Chuck Norris once consumed a whole case of wine in one sitting. Without opening it. #jjbuckleywines |
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wineinkbytia Robert Parker may remember every wine he’s tasted. But, Chuck Norris remembers every wine he hasn’t. #jjbuckleywines |
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TishWine Chuck Norris doesn’t let red wine make a move, let alone breathe. #jjbuckleywines |
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nickryanwine Chuck Norris drinks grape juice…..but pees Madeira. #jjbuckleywines |
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streamertyer Chuck Norris joined Foursquare and is now the Mayor of everything and everywhere. Game over. #jjbuckleywines |
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chriscaughman Chuck Norris’ beard displays aromas of crushed lilacs, chocolate-dipped raspberries and justice. #jjbuckleywines |
WineMcGee Contribution
I can’t rate these amongst the others as I am obviously partial
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WineMcGee Wine does not stain Chuck Norris’ teeth, out of respect. #jjbuckleywines |
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WineMcGee Chuck Norris does not get drunk from wine. The wine gets drunk from Chuck Norris. #jjbuckleywines |
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WineMcGee Asked if he preferred the old world or new world Chuck Norris was confused, and murdered that man. #jjbuckleywines |
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WineMcGee Chuck Norris once rated a wine a 98. It was later determined that the bottle contained the blood of his enemies children. #jjbuckleywines |
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WineMcGee Chuck Norris once guzzled a double magnum and impregnated 53 women that later gave birth to the 1985 Chicago Bears. #jjbuckleywines |
