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To start, I came across this video the other day.  Amazing stuff. Part of this was in the movie, right? Or is it all from Ali G?

Now, totally unrelated to Borat… I thought I’d share some findings from sifting through the IL and Chicago liquor rules a few weeks ago.  The IL Liquor Control Act of 1934 defines IL law related to distribution, sales, licensing, taxation, and warehousing of alcohol in the state.  This Act is continually revised as lawmakers see fit (e.g., accept bribes from businesses, crack down on gang activity, etc).   One of the rules in IL is that retail sales of alcohol are not allowed within 100 feet of churches, schools, or hospitals.  (Interesting to note that the homes of veterans, their children, or their spouses are also alcohol-free zones in the same way that churches are.)

I’m not sure when the 100 ft. rule first took affect, but the current Act is about 4 pages long.  The funny thing is, almost every bit of these four pages is focused on the various circumstances where this law does not apply.  Now I don’t spend my days digging through public law, so I’m not sure if everything passed by Congress looks like this, but I’m assuming it does.  That’s why the federal tax code is aparently 16,845 pages long, with over 9 million words.  Here’s a funny tidbit from revisions to the 100ft rule in recent years:

“In the interest of further developing Illinois’ economy in the area of commerce, tourism, convention, and banquet business, nothing in this Section shall prohibit issuance of a retail license authorizing the sale of alcoholic beverages to….(exclusions…) or in a grocery store having a minimum of 56,010 square feet of floor space in a single story building in an open mall of at least 3.96 acres that is adjacent to a public school that opened as a boys technical high school in 1934″.

Wouldn’t it be easier if they just said “yeah, Joe’s Liquor Mart is excluded.”  I assume Joe’s Liquor Mart gave the state a lot of money, or maybe they were owed a favor somehow.  Or maybe they just complained a lot.  But as we’ve all had a good taste of the corruption in IL and Chicago recently, I think we can reasonably doubt that someone just complained.  I was interested in figuring out what prompted this exclusion. Who is Joe’s Liquor Mart (yeah I just made that name up)?

Jewel on the left. Lane Tech on the right.

I put on my sneaky detective hat, and searched the internet to see what “boys technical school” they were referring to.  The first thing that pops up on google is Lane Tech.  Lane Tech is a technical college prep school in Chicago, and one of the oldest schools in the city – it also opened in its current location in 1934.  I am hot on the trail.  Next, I pulled up google maps and did a search for grocery stores in the area.  Indeed, as suspected, there is a large grocery store in a single story building in an open mall adjacent to Lane Tech – a Jewel Osco, in fact.

Why was this Jewel excluded from the liquor law?  I have no idea, but I think it would be pretty interesting to see how all of these exclusions make their way into the law books.

I’d also like to say “you’re welcome” for pointing out this liquor-law-loophole.  If you were by any chance planning on opening a 56,010 square foot grocery store in a single store building in a 3.96 acre mall immediately next to school or church (just to tempt young children and the faithful), it is your lucky day.  Just build your store right next to a building that opened as a boys technical school in 1934, and you are golden!

I also discovered something else very disturbing during my google street-view mission.  Right next to Lane Tech, a Party City.  How can we expect our brightest youth to flourish when they are surrounded by booze and parties, and party cities.  We must pray for Lane Tech.

Party City.