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Hilarious Chuck Norris Wine Facts |

Yesterday I stumbled upon a Twitter contest by @JJBuckleyWines for a gift card to their wine shop.  The best Chuck Norris wine-related phrase wins.  I wasted the better part of the day following the tweets and attempting to defeat all others in this challenge of hilarity.  Here is a collection of my favorite submissions:

 

Hilarious
nickryanwine Norris don’t trellis. He drags two men in the vineyard by the hair. One is Scott, the other Henry. The vines have been told. #jjbuckleywines
stacywoods Chuck Norris once ate an entire bucket of Nebbiolo grapes and shat out a beautifully aged Barolo. #jjbuckleywines
chriscaughman Chuck Norris loves American oak…and so do you unless you want Chuck Norris to punch a hole through your chest. #jjbuckleywines
streamertyer Chuck Norris has a little winemaker in him. Not because he knows anything about wine, but because he ate Piero Antinori. #jjbuckleywines
Funny
bebycik Chuck Norris’s tears scored 200 points with Wine Enthusiast. Too bad he never cries. #jjbuckleywines
rickbreslin Some wines have flavors of earth. Chuck Norris’ wines have flavors of universe. #jjbuckleywines
TishWine James Laube rates Chuck Norris Cab 88 points blind. 100 points nonblind. #jjbuckleywines
GregKnottLeMond Trajer Joes test marketing “Two Buck Chuck Norris” – they are certain it will annihilate the competition. #jjbuckleywines
streamertyer Chuck Norris once consumed a whole case of wine in one sitting. Without opening it. #jjbuckleywines
wineinkbytia Robert Parker may remember every wine he’s tasted. But, Chuck Norris remembers every wine he hasn’t. #jjbuckleywines
TishWine Chuck Norris doesn’t let red wine make a move, let alone breathe. #jjbuckleywines
nickryanwine Chuck Norris drinks grape juice…..but pees Madeira. #jjbuckleywines
streamertyer Chuck Norris joined Foursquare and is now the Mayor of everything and everywhere. Game over. #jjbuckleywines
chriscaughman Chuck Norris’ beard displays aromas of crushed lilacs, chocolate-dipped raspberries and justice. #jjbuckleywines
WineMcGee Contribution

I can’t rate these amongst the others as I am obviously partial

WineMcGee Wine does not stain Chuck Norris’ teeth, out of respect. #jjbuckleywines
WineMcGee Chuck Norris does not get drunk from wine. The wine gets drunk from Chuck Norris. #jjbuckleywines
WineMcGee Asked if he preferred the old world or new world Chuck Norris was confused, and murdered that man. #jjbuckleywines
WineMcGee Chuck Norris once rated a wine a 98. It was later determined that the bottle contained the blood of his enemies children. #jjbuckleywines
WineMcGee Chuck Norris once guzzled a double magnum and impregnated 53 women that later gave birth to the 1985 Chicago Bears. #jjbuckleywines

 

Author: Michael Siegler | Category: Rantin and Ravin | Tags: , |

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5 Wine Terms Everyone Should Know |

einstein_wine

Tannins, Tannic, Tannication

OK, I made “tannication” up, but “tannins” and the adjective “tannic” (containing an abundance of tannins : markedly astringent), you should know. Tannins are astringent plant chemicals found naturally in grape seeds, skins, and stems. They produce the familiar drying, puckering feeling on the tongue and on the cheeks. In wine, tannins are also largely imparted through oak barrels used for aging. Tannins are much more prevalent in red wines – the wine gets its color because the grape juice is macerated (soaked) with the seeds and skins.

Wines that are tannic can benefit from cellaring and aging. Tannins are a natural preservative, and through the aging process will mellow and often improve with age. New wine drinkers will often find that wines high in tannins are too harsh or bitter. However, after experience, many come to enjoy this style and the balanced, bold, intense flavors that can accompany tannic wine. Some wines that are typically high in tannins include Cabernet Sauvignon, Tempranillo, Syrah, Malbec while varietals usually lower in tannins include Pinot Noir, Grenache, white wines.

Tannic wines also benefit from decanting. What is decanting, you ask? Well that just so happens to be the next term you should know – see below. Want to learn more about tannins, check this guy out.

Decanting

decanting_blogDecanting a wine is the process of exposing the wine to the air (oxygen) in attempt to release the wine from the bottle, let it breathe, mellow, remove sediment, and unleash a flurry of flavor. How do you decant wine? Simple, just pour the wine into a pitcher, bowl, glass, tupperware (whatever really), and let it sit. If you want to join the big leagues, you can purchase an actual decanter or a Vinturi wine aerator. Both old and young wines can benefit from decanting. How long should you decant? Give it a try and judge for yourself. For younger tannic wines (only a few years old), decanting for several hours or even for a full day can provide amazing results. For delicate older wines, or wines low in tannin, a quick decant immediately before serving is often better than prolonged air exposure.

Swirl

Don’t just drink the wine, you barbarian! It is said that up to 90% of what we perceive as taste comes from our sense of smell. Swirling wine helps release the aromas to let you get a good whiff. It also serves to aerate the wine, and similar to decanting, can help mellow out harsh tannins. Lastly, swirling can help you get a feel for the viscosity and alcohol content of the wine by looking at how it rolls down the sides of the glass. So, swirl away – don’t be timid. Just don’t spill any on your shirt, slick.

Dental Erosion

Acidic drinks like wine are corrosive and eat away at tooth enamel. This problem can be exasperated by brushing immediately before or after drinking wine, which will damage your soft and exposed enamel. To combat dental erosion, drink wine with food which helps stimulate saliva production and neutralize acid. When possible, don’t sip wine over prolonged periods of time. If you do, ensure you drink water occasionally between sips, and munch on some food as well. Don’t brush your teeth for 60 minutes before or after drinking wine. Use a fluoride toothpaste with a soft toothbrush, mouthwash, and visit your dentist frequently.

Old World and New World

old world wine“Old world” wine typically refers to wine made in Europe. Key wine producing regions in the old world include France, Germany, Italy, Spain, and Portugal. Wine in the old world tends to be focused on terrior, and communicating a sense-of-place, displaying characteristics of the geography of the land through the taste of the wine.

The “new world” includes wine from regions outside the traditional European wine-growing regions. New world countries include the United States, Chile, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa, and Argentina. The new world is often focused on science, technology, and the role of the winemaker. Because new world regions tend to be in hotter climates than the old world regions, grapes tend to be riper and wine tends to be fruity, full-bodied, and high in alcohol.

It should be noted though, that both of these definitions are drastic generalizations. In this age, there is a blending of new world and old world styles throughout the globe. There are wineries in California that work tirelessly to impart the taste of their region into the wine. Likewise, there are wineries in France that seek to produce wine in fruity new world styles and even moving to screw caps over the traditional cork.

Author: Michael Siegler | Category: Articles | Tags: , , |
Lilian says... 7-8-2011 at 6:51am

Heck yeah this is extacly what I needed.

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